She asked me what I would prefer to see
as we stood in front of rows and rows
of videos on the shelves on the walls of the movie rental place.
We scanned the comedies and westerns and action/adventures
and were moving through the dramas. Each of us
would suggest something to the other, who would then
give a reason why we should make a different choice.
I'd say, "2001?" and she'd shrug and say, "Nah,
a little too long and deep for tonight,"
and then she'd smile slyly and comment,
"Besides, we'd have to actually watch,
and with you around, I'm too easily distracted."
Then she'd grab another box off the wall.
"OOH, how about this? I haven't seen this in quite some time,"
she'd say to me. And I'd groan and say sarcastically,
"Aladdin? Disney? Again? I don't think so."
So as I said, we were in the drama section.
I was scanning one wall and she was behind me
scanning another, when I felt her tap my shoulder.
I turned around and she said that she had found
the perfect one. I looked down at the box that she was holding up
and saw Patrick Swayze in a passionate embrace with Demi Moore,
her head thrown back in ecstasy, and both
of them bathed in an unearthly white light.
Above their heads hung five thin, white letters
each outlined in red. GHOST, it said in all capitals.
That word flew off the box and hit me
in the face, emblazoning itself on my brain.
Seeing that box before me triggered something within me,
a memory that I had locked away from myself
deep within my subconscious so that I never had
to deal with it again. But now it had resurfaced
against my will and there was nothing that I could do
to bury it again. In that instant I was whisked back
to my youth. I remembered the first girl I ever loved.
Her name was Abigail and I met her
back in high school. She lived in a town
about forty miles away. We met through
a mutual friend who sort of set us up on this blind date.
Her school was having a Valentine's Day dance
and she didn't have anyone to go with.
My friend set me up with her so she would.
He and his girlfriend at the time doubled with us.
Abigail and I really sort of hit it off.
The music they played at the dance was all country
which wasn't really my style, but still we danced
and talked and got to know one another.
After the dance we went back to her house,
the four of us, and watched a movie:
GHOST.
It was then, after that movie,
while the tape was rewinding and my friend
was in the bathroom and his girlfriend
was getting their coats, that we shared
our first kiss, and our second, and third,
and during the sixth or seventh the other girl came back in
and interrupted us and got really embarrassed.
But she shouldn't have been. It was an honest mistake.
I've accidentally done it before. I mean, who hasn't?
But my point is that it didn't matter
because it didn't stop us. When the two of them went out to the car
to warm it up (and, I'm sure,
to enjoy some kisses of their own)
Abigail and I made out there in her room.
For the next two months, I swear
I was the happiest man on the face of the planet.
I drove out to her house almost every night.
I swear I put more miles on my car in that time period
than I had in the whole two years that I had owned it prior.
I thought that she was terrific and the really sad part of it is
that she was genuinely in love with me.
It's sad because after that two months,
another girl in my school caught my eye.
She liked me, I liked her,
and most importantly she was close at hand
rather than thirty or forty miles away.
So, like a dumbass, I broke things off
with Abigail, using our distance as an excuse
(flimsy as it was) and saying that I hoped
that we could still be friends
(then never talking to her again after that night).
What can I say? I was in high school.
But really that's no excuse, because the really, really sad part
is that I swear that since her, there has not been another girl
who loved me as much as she did.
So as I stood there in the video store
with her holding that box in front of me,
all of this went through my head
and I realized that she was no Abigail.
I had thrown away the only woman in my life to ever really love me.
She sensed my change in mood and her face
became somber. (She probably noticed my eyes
welling up.) "What's the matter?" she asked
with concern. I just looked at her,
thinking about how un-perfect she was.
"Nothing," I said solemnly. I then took the box
from her hand and set it back on the shelf.
"Let's get something else," I said plainly.
Unquestioningly and supportively she agreed
and turned back to the movies. Seeing her bent over
to inspect the movies made it all come back again
so I stepped up to her and put my arm around her
and just held her there like that for a moment,
her sort of stooping over and looking up at me
and not understanding. I held her like that
there as we picked out movies in the video store.
